Sometimes I feel as if I am two different persons. One person that enjoys the freedom every new energetic adult that just joined into the world is entitled to feel. A person who is luxurious and lives a life she wants. A person who keeps track of her own life and nothing else. A person who has great ambition and hope for life and is cheerful as ever.
But then sometimes I am this other person. A person that bears the weight of the family burden on her shoulder - the Linda that shares the bitter of "literally" poorness with mom. Whenever I talk with her or look at her, I feel as if I was at the bottom of Hell all over again. THe walls are sealed and we're down at the bottom of the pitt of darkness. THere's no way out. I wish I could bear some of her pressure for her, take some heat off her shoulder, but there isn't a way, i am not strong enough to stand and she's not tall enough to climb out. She needs to survive that on her own, and i am in the muddy swamp unable to even leave the ground. OF course, I know she could eventually escape but I hate tolerate the fact that she needs to suffer so much, cry so much, fight so much to break to the wide open and receive the sunshine and to live a life she wants. I don't know if anybody can understand this. Perhaps there are. I wish everybody can hang in there because I am sure the sun will always shine and the soon enough there will be a rope from up there to pull us all up.