ahhh..

Has it really been that long since I last rode in the Train of Inspirations with my little Pen of Wonder for a ride? I had no idea how slowly time would crawl over my life as I lined up myself for a complete different zone. Off tangent. My life seems to be so much in focus now yet so completely out of proportion. It's true. I can clearly see what I am doing like an eye starring at a microscopic amoeba through a long tube of lenses - so much clarity and details. But somehow this detail stopped making sense to me as I try to orient myself with the outside world. I can see dots and lines and colours and shapes but I can't stop myself questioning 'where am i'. What happened to me before I looked into the lens? What was I doing?

Dont' get me wrong, its' a flattering position to be looking, or rather studying, at these little things in the microscope. It gives me so much pleasure just looking at them for I know that these are the things I would enjoy doing the rest of my life and regret would never come to mind. Yet somehow, something's missing in this big puzzle that's slowly being put together. I start to get scared that I would not have another chance to get at writing or music or any other stuff that I was so involved with before I bought my ticket to this 'wonderland'. God knows for how long I would be in here playing and having fun. I am slowly forgetting the old me. The me that was always so creative and inspirational. IT seems to me that muses have deserted me =(.

My mind has now been filled up with equations and sociology terms, so incredibly long that it drilled a hole in my brain. Train of thoughts have been broken into fragments and frgaments fractured into bits and pieces that are everywhere now in me. I can't seem to piece them together enough to form a painting. I've lost that little touch of magic that was at one time such an integral part of me. I am sad but I've got to go on pulling through.

Oh dear writing, will you come and pick me up for another ride?