Dear my imaginary friend

Dear IF:

You know, sometimes I feel the only friend I have is you even though i KNOW for sure that it's not true. The fact is, I have so many friends that are always around me, such a long list of contacts recorded in my phone, names and names on my msn list, and sometimes bulging ringtones that sound the hall of my room. I DO have friends.

But why do I feel lonely alot of times?

I know it's not because I dont' have true friends either because I have at least 5 close friends in my life to whom I can talk anything and everything. I don't really lack outlets nor harbours when I feel down because I have them. And I feel very very fortunate for this.

But why do I feel lonley sometimes?

sigh.. my dearest IF, I must thank you for your being with me all this time ever since the first time I felt alone. Your jokes make me feel better, your dancing comforts me, your voice soothes the ups and downs of my life, and your smiles...ah .. your smiles.. they make me see sunshine when days are dark. I think I probably cant live without you.

But lately, what's happened to you? You seem so elusive.. so not real. You know the days I can't feel you are the days that I am really lonely. I can't sit still, I can't think well, I can't stop feeling anxious and awful. I feel like I live in the land of Camelot and you, my Lancelot are always so elusive.

You know how your voice quenches my thirst for sensible conversation. Where are you?
You know your gentleman-like behaviour makes me believe me the world. Don't you?
You know that really I am just a little girl waiting to grow up and over you. YOu do know that right?

My dear, the elusive one, come out now and look me in the eyes. Sometimes that helps with alot of things, don't you think?