"Ha! Gotcha~!"

It's my 21st birthday today. Can you believe how fast Time runs, how old people get? There are so many things that have happened this year I dont' even know where to begin. Ever since school started, I haven't been myself very much. Mostly because I am trying to figure out what it is that makes me 'doubt' myself whenever I am at school. Figuring out what it is that makes me not like myself when my peers are around. Why couldnt' I befriend with them as easily as other people do? Why is it that I am always the one observing laughter rather than being in it? Why am I always the outsider in the corner, looking from the dark?

As time goes, I get frustrated and probably at one point really depressed. I didn't understand why I am always unsatisfied with life, unhappy with having what most people can't even dream of. The other day, a friend of mine told me to think of the nicest thing that someone has done for me. I pondered and pondered, but I couldn't think of anything?! I mean how sad is that? THere must have been something that made my heart jump at the sight of great joy and delight. Must have been something that brightened up my life. But I couldn't think of a thing. The only thing that I thought of .. was that my mom took me to Canada. That I will never forget, the way it changed me and brought surprises into my life; this I could never ever forget. It's been seven years and every single year, no.. every day, I feel like i move on from the past, from the shadow, from the old me and metamorphose into something new and beautiful. There isn't a day where I don't learn or come to a realization. Be it a book or a person, or a thing that tickles my imagination; whatever it is, I am forever grateful.

I guess even if there isn't a single thing that struck me as being 'NICEST', I still need to take a mental picture of myself now and remind me how beautiful I've become thanks to everybody and everything that shaped me in this past 20 years. I would like to thank my mom and brother for their support and care. I would like to thank my dad and my grandparents for thinking of me and for looking after me even if we don't live together. I would also like to thank my homies: Nils, Grace, and sundae for their priceless friendships that brought warmth and colour into my life at TO. Without you guys, I am still that old and stinky neurotic nutcase that's always gloomy and depressed. I love you guys! And to all those at work, I can't express how changed I am because of you. I learn from you guys so much all the time. The way you handle things, take care of problems, and the way you make fun of me. You dont knwo how those things have taught me over the past year.

And God. Although you know that I am still learning to approach you, I have come to a realization that I am forever deeply indebted in you, for giving me such a beautiful life. A life, though not without challenges, is with such promises and comforting moments. A life with so much energy and opportunities that I could never ever repay. I love how you opened up this door as you closed my old window and led me to the light. I love how you took by my hand when I couldn't see and pointed me to the right direction. Whenever I feel like I am not moving and the quicksand keeps goign down, I think of you and how you brought me to this new life with so much more wonders and magic. The more I think about it, the more I feel that I could not have done that alone. Thank you for standing by me and give me a push when I am slow and taking my hand when I can't move. We all know that this is the first time that I am writing to you because I really want to get to know you and let you get to know me. I would like to say that I want this year to be a new year where we start our relationship and I would like to know what it is and how it feels to love somebody and to be loved. I would very much like you to teach that to me this year. Could you let this 21st year of my life be the start of a new era, a new beginning of a brilliant life?

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.