Perhaps, I've been going about this the wrong way.

But then I can't get out of this viscious cycle. The more I think about why it is I am doing wrong, the more I get into this wrong way of thinking, of living.

Let's try and take it slow. Start over again. Try and taste the things that I've begun to take granted. Remember how everything used to fascinate and amaze me so much? Where did that curiosity go? Why have I stopped opening my eyes? Why have I stopped asking questions? I mean I dont' feel like anything matters to me anymore. I don't really care about anything anymore. Nothing motivates me no more.

Sigh. I dont want to become one of those who lead a meaningless life, a boring life that even the person possessing the life doens't take any interest. I am tired of pretending. I want my love for life back. I want my care for the world back. But even so, I can't seem to .. just START. Sometimes I feel so helpless and hopeless because I dont have that kind of drive anymore. HAve I exhausted my adrenalins? That can't be it. I've gotta just start. I seem to have been trapped in this dark hole for way too long of a time. It's time to come out and see the sun, right?

Find time to take things slowly is difficult in the busy life that I lead. I think i've wound up myself in so many things that I am lost and stopped knowing why it is that I do these things. Finish this year and take a break for the next I guess.